Help “De-stress” Your Children

Back-to-school season, while exciting, can be unsettling for young students. They may worry about facing new teachers, classrooms, and classmates. Other children feel stressed because of busy schedules or high expectations that they or their parents set.

Preteens report that school, homework, and grades are their top causes of stress. Feeling like they have to be perfect just adds to some children’s anxiety. Signs of perfectionism include being afraid to fail or take risks, never being satisfied with one’s success, feeling insecure, and lacking flexibility. Here are some tips for helping children realize when “good enough” is good enough:

*Encourage children to enjoy the process rather than just the outcome. Emphasize that the important part of school is to have fun learning, practicing, and doing, rather than being an immediate expert. It’s okay to dream big, regardless of the outcome.

*Provide age-appropriate tasks to build confidence. To prevent frustration and getting “stuck,” show children how to tackle achievable tasks one at a time.

*Accept “good enough” yourself. Try not to dwell on children’s mistakes. Offer many more comments about what they’re doing right than about what they’re doing wrong. Talk about times you’ve done your best and been satisfied with a less-than-perfect outcome.

Me, Worry?
• 31% of children ages 9 to 12 say they “worry a lot,” and 47% suffer from insomnia. (Children’s Ministry Magazine)

• Children whose family lives are stressful are nearly twice as likely as other kids to have low levels of school engagement and four times as likely to have behavioral and emotional problems.
(“Stressful Family Lives” by Kristin Moore & Sharon Vandivere)

• About 14% of children ages 5 to 12 spend an average of about one hour alone at home after school. Kids left alone tend to have more difficulty handling school assignments.
(momdadchat.com)


Ask God:
1. To help your children have a positive school year.

2. To help you and your children manage life’s stresses.

3. To help you resist the urge to be a “perfect” parent.


Parenting Insights
Psychologist Les Parrott III, writing in Children’s Ministry Magazine, offers these ways to lower children’s stress levels:

1. Take care of your stress. Monitor your stress level and protect yourself from running on empty. Take time to relax and find social support.

2. Model coping skills. Keep calm when problems arise because children will follow your example.

3. Acknowledge children’s feelings. Help them find words and “I” statements to express their frustrations.

4. Accept stress as normal. Jesus told his disciples they’d face troubles. But it’s possible to turn stressful times into times of growth.

5. Know when to seek help. When children’s stress turns to panic, consult a professional.



“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”
1 Peter 5:7

Jesus warns that his followers will face earthly trials, but he also promises to protect and comfort us. Because our loving God is in control, we can put all our anxieties on his shoulders.

Teachable Moments

1. Under Pressure—Give family members each an inflated balloon, and have them gradually step on it as everyone calls out stresses and pressures. When all balloons are broken, read aloud Philippians 4:6 and share ways that God helps us deal with stress.

2. Puzzled—Work on a jigsaw puzzle and talk about the challenges of putting all the pieces of a puzzle—and life—together. Read aloud Luke 1:37 and discuss how Jesus helps us solve even the toughest problems.

3. Built to Last—Together, use blocks or LEGOS to make as tall of a tower as possible. Talk about why your creation always falls down and why our efforts to be perfect will always fail. Then discuss ways that God is our sturdy foundation and how we can stand tall in him.


Help your children open up about stress and perfectionism by asking these discussion-starter questions:

1. What excites and worries you about going back to school?

2. What good does it do to worry about things we can’t control? What are some ways we can hand our worries to God?

3. What are some things you try to do “just right,” and why? How do you feel when you mess up?

4. How do you know when you’ve done your best or when something is “good enough”? How can you be satisfied with that?

Family Experience: Putting It in Perspective

Try these fun activities to put problems and priorities in place:

• Lift Your Hearts—With permanent marker, draw a heart on a hard-boiled egg. Pour ½ cup salt into a paper cup with “Jesus” written on the side. Fill a clear jar half full of water. Hold the egg so everyone can see the heart. Say: “Sometimes our hearts feel heavy with worries. What are some worries you have?” As you drop the egg into the jar of water, say: “Worries make our hearts sink inside us. But Jesus can take away those worries.” Pour the salt into the jar and stir the water for a while. Read aloud Matthew 11:28-30. When the egg rises to the top and floats, say: “When we give our worries to Jesus, our hearts become lighter.” Close in prayer.

• Balancing Act—Align the edge of a book exactly along a table edge. Ask: “What are some of your responsibilities? Sometimes it seems like we can’t get everything done in a day. Each responsibility puts us a bit closer to being over the edge.” Place a second book atop the first so it hangs one inch beyond the edge of the first—and over the table edge. List responsibilities as you keep placing three more books in the same manner. Ask: “How could I place each of these books without any of them falling? What would happen if I moved the bottom one?” Move it and watch the books fall. Read aloud 2 Chronicles 27:6. Say: “A priority is something that’s more important than another thing.” Ask: “What could happen if we don’t keep our priorities in order? How can keeping our priorities straight help us deal with life’s stresses?”